90′s Rap Quiz for White People

Wigga 4 Lyfe!
Tonfas are pretty gangsta

Have you ever ventured out on to the internet with the intent of testing the breadth of your 90′s rap knowledge, only to be so frustrated by the patois common to rap fan sites that you have been forced to give up, untried and untested?

Well, wipe away those tears, little cracka, your days of running rap quizzes through the Urban Dictionary word by word are over. Now you can “get your quiz on” without confusion or frustration. I present to you, the 90′s Rap Quiz for White people.

Carefully read the following five questions and select the answer for each that best describes the correct answer. Upon completion of this task, your score will be announced to you. Good luck, player.


1. In a thrilling tail of frontier cannabis agriculture and daring escapes, Sir Louis Freese outlined his recipe for successfully evading capture while trafficking marijuana. Once discovered, he would pack up his belongings and quietly move to another county, thus removing his operation from the jurisdiction of his pursuers. In one particular instance he recalls the police attempting to surprise him by getting the drop on him at his home, only to find him gone. Where was he?

2. Robert Matthew Van Winkle once mused aloud of an adventure of his involving the so called "chumps on the wall" who were "ill" because of their excessive drug use. At the end of his banter, he opines that if, indeed, there were some sort of complication, that he was confident that he had taken care of it. A careful examination of the details of his story yields a different conclusion. Who truly solved Mr. Van Winkle's problem?

Paul Rever... not reallly
Shire Reeve's posse doth harry me,
for I am highly sought after.
3. Equestrian and Renaissance man Adam Horovitz is said to have once traversed a particularly nasty tract of xeric savanna while attempting to shake a cadre of the local constabulary. Records of the event indicate an alleged, clandestine intimate encounter between Mr. Horovitz and a local law man's next of kin that somehow incorporated the use of sports equipment in a fashion not proscribed by the manufacturer. Allegations Mr. Horovitz himself confirms as he related the story of his flight to a criminal he met along the way. The man in question, later identified as one Mr. Adam Yauch, was ill prepared for his own journey and found himself in need of assistance. What two key things did Mr. Horovitz bring with him that tempted the desperate Mr. Yauch into threatening him with a weapon.

4. Stanley Kirk Burrell, best known for his almost religious aversion to physical contact, once claimed that during his world-wide travels, people on the street would shout out salutations to him everywhere that he went. He then dismissed those few that did not greet him in such a fashion. What did say of these people?

5. In a famous collaboration between Todd Anthony Shaw and O'Shea Jackson, the duo explained away hurtful allegations that they were hard-hearted misogynists simply because of their proclivity for using slang terminology while referencing the fairer sex. Granted, sometimes due to circumstances beyond their control, they gentlemen were forced to lay hands upon the "ladies of the night" in their employ as a correctional measure, but not–of course–in anger. During the exchange, Mr. O'Shea tells of a woman who he claims makes her living illicitly transporting cured meats. He claims that, though she has a steady relationship with another man, she habitually pleasures him orally and then, rather unhygenically, goes back to her paramour and kisses him, presumably transmitting germs and semen from Mr. O'Shea's Penis into the unnamed gentleman's mouth. In a fit of inspiration–and displaying a remarkable sensitivity for alternate sexual practices–Mr. O'Shea makes a shrewd suggestion. From the following lined taken from this classic exchange of ideas, please select the one that best represents his suggestion.

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